How old are you?
Just turned the ripe age of 21... You should have been there for the redneck birthday celebration we had in Branson, Missouri: tequila shots at nine in the morn' and the evenings were spent riding on a sofa that was hitched to a tractor. We rode down into the woods and turned off the lights and watched the stars and fireflies. If "Deliverance" had a romantic scene, that would have been it.

What do you do for a living?
Quality Control Representative for a commercial insurance company. I get paid lots of money to sit around and tell other people how to do their job correctly without cutting corners. However, I'm an aspiring artist; photography is my main claim to fame.

In a relationship?
Just had a lovely date yesterday, I think it just may go somewhere.

Height/Weight: A willowy 6'4" and an emaciated 155lbs

Current Location: Whorelando, FL

What are you wearing right this second?
A pair of increasingly short Adidas gym shorts.

You list Mario Party as an interest. We are addicted to Mario Party 8 on the Wii. Who is your character of choice?
Oh that would be Waluigi. Tall, lanky and dastardly evil: those are three words that describe me as well. I suspect he might be a little "light in the loafers" I mean have you seen his overalls? They're very boot-cut which is a bit more hip than his fellow Italian brothers. A close second would be Birdo with her obscenely shaped mouth that would make Paris Hilton envious.

How many nude beaches have you been to?
Just one the one down here called Playalinda. It's right by Cape Canaveral, so I would imagine it would be a great place to watch the shuttle launches? See you can't be publicly nude on state property but the beach is a federal park, so therefore it's a loophole they've exploited for years now. Once you get past all the leathered hippies at the entrance to the legendary Lot 13, it actually is quite peaceful and quiet. You're occasionally stuck with walking by the creepy black guy who sits in a lawn chair and oils one out, but other than that it's usually free of the pervy types. They really should be paying me for this promo!

When playing strip poker is it better to win or to lose?
Always the Catherine Trammell, I'd have to say it depends on whom you're trying to manipulate within the group. I mean if you show it all, the person might lose interest. The only thing commendable about Madonna is that she knew how to dangle her snatch in front of the right people for just the right amount of time to get what she wanted.

What is your favorite kind of underwear?
Hmm I love my Calvin Klein, jockstrap. Aussie Bum, Wonder Jocks are fun too. I expect commission for all this brand plugging, checks can be mailed to...

How many times in the last year have you been to a theme park?
None actually. I hate children and people who have them; they think it gives them elevated status as a citizen just because they couldn't keep their legs closed.

Name three words that would describe your ideal guy.
Dorky, icily humored, and uhh...does "high credit score" count?

Are you a fan of game shows and if so what is your favorite one?
My best friend and I are addicted to the Nickelodeon, game and sports channel. Legends Of The Hidden Temple, Double Dare, Guts. Nothing beats watching prepubescent kids struggling to climb a seven foot styrofoam mountain complete with glittering snow and flashing lights.

Disney World or Sea World?
Universal Studios and Islands Of Adventure are a bit more adult oriented.

Beer or Vodka?
Vodka for my Bloody Mary, please.

Do you like where you live and if you could live anywhere else where would it be?
Oh whenever I get the chance, I love to dish out bad PR for the state of Florida. I'm just hoping I can flee the confines before this swamp sinks back into ocean. Much love to my native home of Kansas City, it truly is the "Miami Of The Midwest". I'd love to live in San Diego, London or Sydney.

Be sure to check out his MySpace page.

What is your favorite midnight snack?
Sharp cheddar cheese cubes and bloody mary mix sans vodka

You belong to the group "Gay People Who Hate the Rainbow". Care to share?
The rainbow is much like Hound's tooth, tacky and antiquated. I think the yellow equals sign in a blue square is a bit more sleek and sophisticated, don't you?

If you had to have sex with a female who would it be?
Loads: Margaret Thatcher, Bea Arthur, Phyllis Diller. Just Kidding. I think it'd have to be Sharon Stone or one of the Sisters Minogue.

Gay twins having sex. Hot or Gross?
I don't know. Are they hot gay twins? Who's the fisting top? Are they into skat? Variables, my dear Watson.

 

Doug, Hunkologist 08.27.07 09:00 Permalink Bookmark/Share

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